Rivers and Shit

The Browser Wars

That Time I Kicked Everyone Off Of The Internet

Book-Writing Shenanigans

I was framed

Valid, but shush

Valid, but shush


I really want to be mad, but this guy's anger is probably justified.

I think I must have been in year 8 when we had two separate maths classes depending on what day it was, and one of them was just a massive dickhead. so, we did the only reasonable things and locked him out of the class. While some guy locked the door, I drew a massive dick on the whiteboard, which to this day I think is pretty funny. When he finally got back into the class, he gave us a lecture on how we're all 'pathetic' and 'incompetant' and how his dogs could do better than us. So yeah, we still don't like him.

On top of that, we've predicted that he will be the next to be exposed as a nonce, since he's always been a bit dodgy around the girls. In fact, when a lad called him out for it he made a point not to even speak to any of the girls in the class, which I find class, as if he'd been caught and needed a way to throw us all off his case.

A couple of years back I performed in assembly in front of the whole year group with the rest of the school band. I was singing. That bastard was stood directly in the centre of the assembly hall staring directly at me the whole time. Safe to say I absolutely fucked up that performace, which wouldn't be such a pain in the ass if I hadn't sang the song perfectly in the summer concert -_-

A part of me doesn't want to believe that he stood there to make me uncomfortable on purpose, but I've had a canny few encounters with people with humiliation kinks and I've been able to spot a few patterns.

Anyways, stay tuned for next time where I'll tell you all about the dodgy teacher who turned out to be a gay porn star with a raging foot fetish who may or may not be dating one of the previous year 11s :)

I was framed


Have you ever been told you did something which you definately never did? Well, that happened to me in the most embarrasing way possible.
I was in a wood tech lesson one day in when we had the laptops out (I think we were looking at bird houses). Somebody needed paint to their project, however there was none in the class, so the teacher asked me to go to the art block and get some. And that is exactly what I did. When I returned, all was normal until about 10 minutes later when a teacher came storming into the room to come and get me. I was positive that I hadn't done anything wrong, and I was even more sure of that fact when she told my why I had been pulled out of class. When I left the classroom, somebody went on the laptop I was using and went onto a porn website (take from that what you will about the school's ability to block those sorts of websites. At this time, I didn't have anything installed to my user to allow me to bypass websites being blocked. As it would turn out, while I was in the art block, someone had found a porn site which wasn't blocked, left it on (probably for me to come back to and have a laugh about), but a group of girls had came by, opened the laptop, then taken a picture of it with my username next to it. Fucking briliant. If only I had proof that it wasn't m- oh wait, I did. I wasn't even in the class when I apparently searched for porn. Besides, if it was me looking at tits in class, I'm not enough of a spack to leave it on while I'm out of the class. But alas, the teacher wouldn't believe me. After telling my wood tech mates what had happened, one of them admitted to putting that on the laptop. That being said, I wasn't a snitch. And if the teacher didn't believe me anyway, I wasn't about to snitch on my mate. This happened on the last week of the term, so a few days later it was the holidays and when I came back to school, nobody spoke about it again.
Ya know, this would have been a great time for big man Steve to bring up my activity log and show me leaving the class on CCTV during the time I apparently was looking at porn, but of course he wasn't gonna be usefull

Book-Writing Shenanigans


Where to start on this one.... Oh yeah, I wrote a book. Will I share the link to it? Hell no, it's shit! :D I should explain: I was in year 8 and got approached by an English teacher to be asked whether I would like to write a book. Naturally I said yes, so I was added to the list of young writers. I knew all of the people in the group, one of which was my partner in queef himself, the other half of the ICT3 madlads, Liam. From this, I think you can see where this is going if you've read any of my previous articles. I'm not here to tell you about the book-writing process, I'm here to tell you about the shit we got up to in there. This won't be a detailed description, just a lil summary.
Since we were using Google Docs, we could all see each other's changes live. Richard (that's the guy who came into school to work with us) told us that we weren't to use this to talk to each other or mess around. So any way we messed around by finding ascii art of dicks and pasting it onto the chapters our mates were working on. This only went on until I pasted the entire Shrek script onto a chapter and Richard got mega pissed. As a general rule of thumb, it's time to stop when someone is close to a heart attack.
A more light-hearted thing we did was install a ton of Chrome extensions (this was after the great browser wars). We installed things like dark mode and desktop pets. This only lasted so long as Steve (big man ICT guy) blocked add-ons after 2 days of us being pet owners.
While Richard was out of the room one day, we kept Alt-F4-ing each other out of Chrome. By chance, I figured out that if you press Alt+F4 then enter on the desktop home screen, you can shut down their computer. Perfect. We spent a while doing this, then Rich came back in and we stopped like the good bois we were.
We would get breaks every few hours where we could do whatever we wanted; most of this time was spent on Bin Weevils.

Something else that happened was a guy lost a vote twice then went off crying and saying that we were bullying him (we called him salty (which he was)). The guy's nice (no he's not) but god was he annoying on that day. He made it our problem that his title and cover were utter shit smh.

That Time I Kicked Everyone Off Of The Internet


Welcome back to "stupid but funny things I've done", today I'll tell you about how I may or may not have kicked the whole school off of the Internet. Context: Impero is a monitoring and blocking program.
I was in IT class with the rest of the madlads, and I had recently discovered a new exploit; the backdoor method. Basically, you need to boot Windows into recovery mode, then find a text file. From there, you can go to file>save as and get to a file manager. Since you aren't logged in, there are no user restrictions. So we had an idea: could we just get in there and delete Impero?

I got into the file manager and after a few minutes of fishing around, I found the golden folder. My mistake here was not just deleting the whole folder, I guess younger me thought that would look too suspicious. So I just went in and deleting random files (v smart, I know). Just as we were all laughing over this, someone behind us got a message saying
"Impero restrictions, you cannot do this"

Well looks like that didn't work, so we restarted the computer and were gonna get on with our work. Then, more people began complaining that they couldn't even search anything in their browsers. Turns out, the whole class was banned from the Internet. Shit. Now, I would call myself a master bullshitter as I convinced everyone that it wasn't me, even the people who were watching. I'm actually suprised none of them snitched, what a crowd!
After a fun lesson of people trying to get unblocked, big Steve the IT guy sent a message to us saying that it was a "glitch". I was safe. Of course I was, if you're not signed in, Impero can't see you. When we were allowed to go out to break, I overheard some people talking; they were saying things about how non of them could use the Internet. At that point, I need to know. I needed to know how far this went. So I went over to my mates and asked them if they could use the Internet. Surely enough, their answer was no.

I left this alone for a while and didn't talk about it to anyone, but a few months later, one of my mates older brothers told us about the time he was trying to do his coursework but couldn't because nobody could use the Internet. Mint. I really did fuck over the whole school on this one. I told him about it and he was shocked but then he just laughed it off with me.

Now, I'm not saying that it was smart of me to have done this, but it's pretty fun to look back on.

The Browser Wars


Up untill 1 and a half years ago, my school only let us use Internet Explorer. Supposedly, the reason for this was for security reasons -- apparently the surveillance and motioring software the school used was only good enough to run on IE. Like many schools, we couldn't install any programs onto the computers, however, a friend and I figured out that we could install web browsers. Naturally, this was great news; no more IE! Our first move was to install Chrome. After installing it, we we're creasing at the fact that everyone else in the class was using a shit browser and we were gods in our own league. After a while however, Chrome vanished from our accounts. It was clear that one of the admins picked up on the fact that we were using Chrome and going against their Internet Explorer cult. Without much thought, we re-downloaded it and we were off again.
After a few times of this happening, we tried it again. This time, an Impero pop-up appeared:

"Thank you for downloading Google Chrome" is a banned keyword. Please speak to your administrator.

We were creasing. Did this shmuck really just make "Thank you for downloading Google Chrome" a banned keyword? Surely it would have been better just to ban the download and installation of exe files all together. That was his mistake: not banning installing all web browsers. Very soon, we downloaded Firefox just to see if it would work. Sure enough, it did! We were off again, using our big dick browser while everyone else's was on life support. Of course, we had to deal with the browser occasionally getting uninstalled, but we were having a great time. Eventually, all good things must come to an end, and the download page for Firefox became banned. Notice how I said the download page. We could still install it if we had the exe file. With that, I went on to my phone, downloaded the exe and moved it onto Google Drive. From there, we just had to download and run it.

After a while of Firefox, an IT technician and admin came storming into our IT class because he had been my mate running Firefox. He didn't see him downloading it from GDrive, only that he had it installed. Truth be told, I was shitting bricks, because I had a USB stick in the back of the computer with a fresh copy of Tails Linux. You see, my mate and I are experimentalists, we enjoy seeing how far we can push things. So, since we had already tried installing Tor (it's the only browser which won't install), we wanted to see if we could just boot into a Tor-based operating system (we could, but only on certain computers). We were both worried that they knew about the USB, so when my mate was taken out of the room, I hid the USB stick in the fold of my tie.

My mate, came back in, half worried, half amused. He sat down and said,
"He told me to stop installing malware. Firefox is malware now"
We both lost it. It was just so funny to us that at the very same time that I had a USB stick which could get us around any blocked websites, the IT department was losing it over the most vicious piece of malware of all time - FIREFOX.

So anyway, the message thanking the user for using Firefox became a banned keyword, so we moved onto Opera. The same thing happened with Opera - we'd install it, they uninstall it, we'd install it, they unintall it, we'd install it, they unintall it, we'd install it, it would get banned. However what was special about this time, is that the same day Opera got banned, Google Chrome was installed on all of the computers. We did it. We defeated the IEFags. We were creasing so hard over the fact that we basically waged a browers war on the IT admins and won. From that day onwards, the students and teachers alike were free from the burden which is Microsoft Internet Explorer. We had served our people well. The Partners In Queef/ICT3 Madlads were the saviours of the school.

Wew, I hope you enjoyed that one. This story took place 2 years ago and I am still in the same school and we still use Chrome. It's been a hot while since I updated this site, so I wanted to bring you one of my favouite stories of mine. I have plenty more hilarious tales about the ICT3 Madlads or the Partners in Queef, as we like to call ourselves, and I would love to tell you them. I will be updating this site regularly with all of my worth-while stories from now on, thanks for reading this one!

Rivers and shit


Today I went down to the river with 5 of my friends to go for a swim, and oh boy was it fun. I will be refering to them all by the first character of their names. D was the first one to get in and, since she is short and the water wasn't even up to her knees at first, K and I (that's not an initial, that's me) followed her in. After a while of us 3 messing around in the water, M decided to take a dip, now the only people left to get in are B and H. H got in for a while and B didn't get in at all since she had to be home by 4pm, which was way before anyone else had to go in. That, and the fact the she was wearing white shorts and didn't want to ruin them I guess. D, K and I all decided that we would go as far up as we could go and get into the water from there and have a race back to home base. After a while, we figured out that it was really fun to dive in from the slight height we had in the new area, so then we all moved all of our stuff into our new area.
In the first half of our stay at the river, we ended up speaking to another group of people who had the same idea as us -- or they saw how much fun we were all having and decided to go for a dip. They were all a few years older than us and when they left, the black-haired man threw a pair of trousers near the river and revealed that he was wearing 2 pairs of trousers and 2 pairs of boxers, so that's interesting.
Why am I telling you about this? Well, I really enjoyed today and I wanted to share. The group has already planned to do the same thing tomorrow with one extra person (to the dismay of K). I guess I'm a true indie teenager now, doing exciting stuff like jumping in rivers and hanging around in fields with the crew drinking straight water.